This Autism Journey

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My son’s birthday is at the end of the week, and I have been taking several trips down memory lane. Most of the memories are funny and happy, and some still bring me to tears. The main thing that sticks out is just how much things have changed for the better. One area that has changed drastically for the better is in his behaviors. I didn’t realize this until about a couple of years ago that the main driving force of my son’s behaviors was and is due to anxiety. Anxiety and autism go hand in hand.

As a result of these behaviors, he was forced to change schools 5 times by the time he got to third grade. No one knew what to do with him. One of his schools was strictly for kids with behavioral issues. I always felt like he didn’t belong there but depending on where you live, getting the school system to listen to you and take your concerns and consideration into account can be like getting hit by a car just enough to leave you badly injured but not killed. (That’s a whole other blog for another day.) He was miserable. I was miserable. Our whole family was miserable. I even had a teacher tell me, and I quote, “he will never be able to understand or express empathy and you should consider alternative education and life plans for him.”. Think about that. Unable to understand or express empathy?!! Did I hear her correctly?! When she said those words I immediately piped up and said, “Excuse me! I respectfully disagree. He will be able to understand and show empathy because he has to.” Not my most eloquent of moments but I was so appalled with what she was putting on the record, and what she thought my child could and could not do. The challenge was on!! I knew my child. I knew what he was capable of and no one was going to tell me otherwise.

Now we are about to celebrate his 17th birthday. I recently asked the lead teacher of his social skills group to write a recommendation for a scholarship that I applied for on his behalf. She has seen and interacted with him just 3 times. This is part of what she wrote: “It’s easy to see that Sam is an amazing man. In just the short time he has attended ME, Sam has shined. He demonstrates many wonderful attributes such as kindness, courage, empathy, respect, curiosity, patience, perseverance and gratitude! All of these qualities are hard for anyone to display consistently, and even harder for someone with special needs.” (Thank you, Kelly!)

BOOM! There it is! I’d like to walk into that teacher’s classroom today like Julia Roberts in “Pretty Woman” walked into the store and said: “Hi! Do you remember me? I was in here yesterday. You wouldn’t wait on me. You work on commission, right? BIG MISTAKE! BIG! HUGE!” That’s the vibe and sentiment I have towards this woman and her words about my child. BIG MISTAKE! BIG! HUGE!” Not only did he far exceed her expectations, but he did so in such a way that someone who has met him only 3 times was able to see all of the wonderful qualities that are the very essence of him.

I share all that to say this: Parents, don’t ever accept what others’ low expectations may be about your child. You know them best. You know their strengths and their weaknesses. You know what their potential can be. You know how to help them reach that potential. You know. Don’t ever doubt yourself and don’t doubt your child. I bet you can look back now and already see how far your child has come. I bet the reflection has already exceeded your expectations.

Take care!