This Autism Journey

Major anxiety here this week. I have had anxiety about this blog ever since I started it. As you can see, I have changed a few things. I’m not tech savvy and so I had to go with what my skill set would allow. I’m sure there will be more changes in the future as I learn more but for now, I’m just going to keep it simple.

Anyways, in Adam Grant’s newest book “Hidden Potential“, he talks about being comfortable with being uncomfortable. I am paraphrasing here but basically the only way to learn and get good at whatever you are pursuing is to get comfortable with the not knowing and being comfortable with the learning process which feels uncomfortable. Everyone has to start somewhere, right?!! I think about that often. A lot actually. I feel as if I am constantly uncomfortable. It probably stems from my desire to be good at everything on the first try, even though I rarely am. Take cooking, for instance. I was horrible at first, even teased about it. Now, I can cook really well. I just needed time, practice, and a couple of burnt meals, and I learned and got better. If only I can remember the process of learning!!

This journey is also how I now view my son’s anxiety. It’s a slow process of uncomfortable learning for him and I’m not sure when it will take form and fly. He has been extra anxious this week because of his birthday and his anxiety throws me off every single time. It can look like a loss for words or rapid speech, less sleep, more opposition, eating more or less, extreme focus, and the list goes on. Oftentimes I don’t recognize the signs of anxiety because anxiety is custom tailored to the individual. How lovely.

Sometimes I get frustrated and think “how does he not know how this goes by now? It’s going on 17 years!!”. Then I remember that his anxiety is always fresh and always new and never has a memory. The best I can do is stay calm and help reassure him that things will go well. I give him visual supports, indulge his incessant questioning even when I have answered 8 times already. When a more defiant behavior occurs I speak more gently and calmly, which for some reason he hates, but I’m trying to model the behavior I wish to see. There is a lot of deep breathing mainly on my side. Lots of sighs to shake off my own anxiety. I do wonder how I can help him better? I try to teach him all the coping skills I know but the seeds have yet to bloom. Will they ever? I find that very frustrating and uncomfortable. The waiting and the wondering if this will be the moment when all the skills come together or will the anxiety just dress up in a different form? I guess that remains to be seen.

As we both learn how to cope with anxiety it is imperative that we get comfortable with the uncomfortable. Neither of us likes it, but it’s necessary to grow. Do you have a way of coping with anxiety for yourself or your child? Maybe there is something I haven’t tried or never thought of.

Thanks for reading. Breathe deeply. Love unconditionally. Take care.